Well, I haven’t really posted anything substantial for this year so far, and that’s kind of sad. On the other hand, if you know anything at all about me, it shouldn’t surprise you that I have not been able to write. I juggle a full time, highly stressful job while also handling the responsibilities of an adult.
This year, on February 1st, I turned 20 years old. That was a wake-up call. I feel like time is flying by and I need to really buckle down and start making concrete choices that I can settle with. No more flip-flopping and playing games. That’s over. This past birthday was such an emotional one. Not only because I’m not a teenager anymore, but also because I lost my grandmother two days before.
There aren’t any words to describe how it felt to watch my grandmother, who lived in my own home since I was a kid and practically helped raise me as a child, slowly die…day by day. I watched her go from this glowing, vibrant, and happy-go-lucky little lady to a sick, speechless, and crippled woman. I never wanted to see that. EVER. Words can’t describe how I felt when I got that call that she had passed away and most of all, words can’t describe the emotion I felt when I walked into her bedroom and stared at her for hours as she layed there…dead. She looked beautiful, but I know death is anything but that, from the physical aspect. Spiritually, it’s a gift, however…because she is with the Lord. I miss that woman so much. Every day I see the vision of her being rolled out of my house by the funeral men and I see her face…her cold, lifeless face. That experience has scarred me forever.
Now, everyday, I pray to her. I have these conversations with her…like I used to have with her everyday. I sleep with her urn across from me…my only comfort. To know her ashes lay inside of such a beautiful piece of art that I designed, help my heart to heal a little more each day…but dang, I have the huge empty space in my heart where she fit perfectly.
RIP, grandma…I love you.
Besides those two, extremely difficult things…life is normal. A lot is going on…but that can wait for another post on another night. Just felt like I should share my two biggest events of 2013 with you all.
God bless and goodnight, Tumblrs.